Don’t rush your grief

Maybe you are not the only person that have ever heard someone told you, “Get over it, they don’t deserve your tears.” Or maybe, sometime you rush yourself to stop grieving.

Grieving is as important as any other phase in your life and is a necessary step after any kind of loss. I do believe that there is no such thing as easy or difficult loss. All losses are not easy. You need to grieve when you lose your 40 euro, you need to grieve when you lose your favorite pen, you also need to grieve when you lose your loved one. Of course they may take different period of time for you to be fully healed. Your grieve will soon be forgotten as you buy a new pen, or buying your flight ticket to new place after loosing your 40 euro. But what if we lose our loved ones? The same stage of grief will apply, only that it may take longer time before you might find your peace. A week, a month, a year, or maybe 10 years? Who knows and who can say?

For me, grief is like a shadow. It follows you everywhere and wherever you turn. It was there all the time, staring back at you. Tempt you to try and shake it off. Just like shadow, grief will always be there. It’s just that certain conditions make you see it more clearly than another. However, you can’t outrun grief, nor that you can hide away from it. It will never fully detach from you, but you can learn to live with it and accepting it for what it is.

Many people think if they just keep moving, maybe the pace will knock the grief out. Hopefully it will just whimper away and leave them alone. I have learned the hard way that grief doesn’t work that way. I forced myself to move along day by day by keeping my days busy after my father passed away only to find that one day I found myself broken and lost. Until I finally realized that I couldn’t really heal unless I wear my pain and embrace it. Because only by then, you can also give yourself a chance to heal over time.

As the first step of grieving you can let yourself to feel the pain. Grief is not something that you can avoid. You have to feel it, let it sink in and live with it for a while. The tears are your gift to teach you that you are vulnerable and sometime life isn’t fun at all. So what?! One day you might find yourself feeling sad, another day being angry, or maybe overwhelmed. Just remember, you are always one step closer to being well again. Don’t you ever feel that sometimes, things feel lighter after you cry?

Then you can look for help. Don’t lock yourself away… There are people who care about you and want to be there for you. Keep your distance for sometime from the people who are not really willing to help you and find someone who wants to be there for you instead.

After that, of course you gotta choose if you want to keep grieving or continue your lives (which I hope you’d go for the second one). My father once told me, “To die is easy. Everyone can die, but not everyone can live a good life.”

Remember that these elements of nature that makes the tree stronger: the sun, the cold, the heat, the rain, the wind. It’s a constant cycle of transformation. A friend of mine reminded me, “This too shall pass”. And this is the thing that I always repeating to myself everyday. No beautiful day lasts forever, so does the storm.

Don’t rush your grief and don’t let anyone rush you to grieve (including yourself). Eventually, you will be happy again 🙂





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