Talking about culture, it is really important for Indonesians to be able to create small talks. They consider it as a standard polite way to hangout with people.
“How are you?” “How life is going?” “Oh… the rains seem like never going to stop.” “Have you eaten?” “Your dress is pretty, where did you get them?” “Oh your boy, how old is this little prince? Is he able to read yet?”
This is the standard conversation that you have to create the first time you meet someone. And I always feel soooo tired with this kind of crap. For this reason I think people usually perceive me to be unfriendly. Can’t hold my self from rolling my eyes when someone asks me questions that I consider stupid.
I always feel that there are huge stories behind everyone’s lives. The great stories that make them who they are today, that make their soul. And it’s just a waste that you can only learn how they commute everyday to the office or wanting to know their opinion about the weather today. I can see that it’s sunny today! Seriously!
It is not that I would insist that we talk only about heartfelt subjects. Ideally, there would also be plenty of flirtatious joking and witty banter. I simply want to eliminate this dull droning about facts and figures. I don’t understand why we adult really like these — whether it’s snowing or raining, how cold it is, what we do for work, how long it takes to go to work, how sucks the traffic today — all those things that we think we have to talk about with someone new but tell us so little about who the person really is.
Why can’t we replace small talks with bigger talks and ask each other more profound questions right from the start? Questions that reveal who you really are, what do we see from ourselves, where do we want to go, what makes us happy…
I know some of you might point out some argumentation about this idea for example that some people are not comfortable jumping directly into big talks since certain people find small talk to be relaxing.
But if they don’t feel comfortable with this kind of conversation, it tells you that they might not have a connection with you? I think this could be a great way to filter. To really find out if you could expect to have deeper relationship with them.
So this is my new project for my new year.. Instead of asking someone’s resume, I want to try asking more about what they have experienced in life that makes them who they are now.
When I go out on a date, since I like travelling, the first question I’d like to ask them is usually what are the countries they have been to before. But maybe instead of asking for a list of the name of countries I can replace the question to which country that they feel in love the most or maybe the most memorable experience they have ever had during their trips that changes them.
I want to start looking at someone not only from facts and figures but appreciate the stories that they have made through the journey of their lives…
To be continued…