A closure

Letting go gives us freedom and freedom is the only condition for happiness – Thich Nhat Hanh

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Ah, closure. That feeling of vindication, or a sense of completion — it can be very enticing!

I like to imagine that life is like a play. One always has to know when a stage has come to an end. If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through.

Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters — we could name it as beautifully as we want, but what matters is to leave in the past that have finished.

A loving relationship that has come to an end, or even the destructive one. Loosing your job or even loosing the people who were dear to you. Gone to live abroad. Had a long-lasting friendship ended all of a sudden. We could always stay and spend a long time wondering why these happened.

Time is ticking and life keeps moving. People around us also needs to close their chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life.

So many moons ago, I was in a relationship with a man who turned out to be quite unsavory. I always believe in my instinct but for that one time I decided to just ignore it. It began sweetly and nicely just like every other relationship I’ve been into. Until one day he came to me and told me that he loved another girl. A girl that he met back then when he lived in South Korea.

Yes, the relationship went south, but I thought we’d had love and respect between us, as well enough integrity to not commit any betrayal against one another.

I cut down any means of communication with him. Never wished to even ever cross path in the future.

But this morning, I received a lengthy message from him. An apology that comes almost a year after everything happened. To my surprise, I don’t feel the hatred that I thought I would always have. I don’t know exactly when it happened, but I have forgiven myself, I have forgiven him and everything that happened back then.

Things happened, and sometime not the way we wanted it to. But nothing we really can do other than to let them really go away and trying to make peace with everything.

I think after lots of things happened in my life last year, this year is time for me to learn how to forgive and move on. However painful it may be. If I keep clinging to certain memories, it also means I couldn’t make some rooms for new memories to take their place.

We couldn’t cheat this life, no one plays with marked cards. So sometimes we win and sometimes we learn. I still learn not to expect anything in return, to not expect my efforts to be appreciated, my genius to be discovered, or my love to be understood.

Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off, work that is promised but there is no starting date, decisions that are always put off waiting for the “ideal moment”, or loosing someone you love without being prepared. And we really like to turn on our emotional television to watch the same program over and over again. The one that shows how much we suffered from a certain loss. I’ve learned that not only it’s entertaining, but also poisoning at the same time.

Before a new chapter can be begun, the old one has to be finished. Whatever that has passed would never come back, that’s for sure.

Closing cycles not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance. But simply because we grow in life, and there are things that no longer fit in.

Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, write a new chapter, shake of the dust.

One thought on “A closure

  1. Kak Dea.. Bagus note-nya, sama dengan yang aku rasakan, walaupun beda cerita dan alasan kenapa putus. Aku save yaa.
    Gak bisa komen apa-apa, cuma bisa berdoa all the best for you, Kak, for me too.. #Hugs

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