Saying goodbye to Mr. Big

Like a lot of women my age, I grew up watching Sex and The City. And it’s not only that, I’m a huge SATC fan. Let’s admit that SATC is one of those shows that really impacted pop culture in many ways. First, it introduced many of us to Jimmy Choos and Manolo Blahniks.

Samantha had ladies proud of their conquests because they were now allowed to freak anything that walks in the name of vaginal liberation. Miranda had women thinking it was OK to be an abrasive, self-centered jackasses, pulling men left and right. And Charlotte made the 30-something desperado look so adorable (yay for argyle sweaters!).

Above all, SATC is liable for something that is still leaving women all high and dry. I call it the “Mr. Big Syndrome”. And when I think about it, as I’m approaching 30s, I am part of them.

Through out the series, Carrie dates a rich, charismatic guy named Mr. Big on and off. They made up and broke up too many times. Add two dollops of commitment phobia on both sides, a marriage to someone else by Mr. Big, and one cheating episode involving Carrie, and you get the Cliff Notes version of their dysfunction. But, hey! They had a happy ending… Eventually, Mr. Big married Carrie (after leaving her at the altar one time!).

Many women, including me, have had (or still have) a Mr. Big in their dating history. He’s the guy who’s sexy, financially stable, has this “je ne sais quoi” radiates around him, seems to know what they want in life, that makes him an irresistible fish on the plate. Plus, you feel like intellectually, he is Einstein. He always mesmerises you with his vast knowledge of various subjects. AND in bed? He’s so good it’s like he has memorized the entire Karma Sutra. He’s just EVERYTHING — except, being emotionally available or committed to you.

He’s the dude that flies you to Paris and leaves the room in the middle of the night on some “we can’t wake up together. You’d think we were… together.” Remember him? Aren’t some of us have had something similar. A guy who never even try to spend a night with you, sit and had breakfast with your sleepy face. All they do is keep you interested enough to where you’re hung up, but they don’t commit.

And here’s when I will hear the chorus play to my ears: “BUT BIG MARRIED CARRIE!”

Sure, Big married Carrie. But did he not leave her at the altar first? Oh. Right. His excuse for leaving her at the altar was that she didn’t pay attention to the fact that he didn’t want a big wedding.

I wish I don’t have to arrive to that moment where he stands me up at our wedding while I got my custom made Vera Wang dress and a beautiful cake will have to go to waste. When I think about it, I start to realise, “YOU AIN’T GON’ EMBARRASS ME LIKE THAT!”

But Carrie still married Big despite of all that. Then Mr. Big became the perfect husband. After she chased him, jumped through hoops and repeatedly got her heart broken by him, he finally committed, YAY!

But I don’t think in real life I will be the lucky Carrie. I have spent my 2.5 years chasing my Mr. Big, hoping for that elusive ring that may never come. I wait for him to change his mind and commit.. For him to treat me with more respect. And I wait, and I wait for some more. I don’t want to end up with five cats and singing lonely love songs at the end of the day because I overlook Adrien that come across my path.

Mr. Big will be an amazing love story of my 20s. But I’m going 30 now, and I don’t want to spend the rest of my life chasing my Mr. Big, because I won’t be as lucky as Carrie.. I think I have waited enough. I think I have so many second chances in the hope that he will change at some point. I should have said good bye the night he told me, “I just never fall in love with you” right on my face. Instead of remained silent, I could have replied him that, “We don’t have any luxury to talk about future.”, when he talked me all his plans after he return back home. Because it will never be a win-win solution if what I’m looking is a mature and steady love. Because whatever emotion he’s projecting to me, it only will leave me confused and sad at the end of the night.

So, good bye, Mr. Big!


One thought on “Saying goodbye to Mr. Big

  1. maaf tidak berkomentar dalam bahasa inggris…hehehe
    selalu menyenangkan membaca tulisan mu. kakakpun salah satu penggemar SATC (lebih karena dicekokin istri sih!). walaupun sy ngga nonton sampe kelar.
    overall i do learn that di depan sana akan banyak aral melintang walaupun saya berharap tidak se “berwarna” SATC yg berarti sy dan istri harus punya pondasi yg kuat.
    finnaly i am happy that know you are just okay. and keep swimming 🙂
    always cheers..

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